Are you addicted to anger?

Did you know that feeling anger can be addicting?

Anger has similar properties of other things that are considered addicting.

Catch the stone and choose not to throw it back. (REMEMBER THE STICKS AND STONES KIDS RHYME?)

Choose to be a peacemaker.

Choose to be proactive instead of reactive.

Anger, like all emotions, has a purpose.

Anger can be motivating and move you toward making changes in parts of your life that you are unhappy with.

It can also make you feel like you are in control of a stressful situation.

Anger can also be hurtful, destructive and even dangerous.

This is the kind of anger that we want to avoid.

But what if you get angry even when you know that it won’t help the situation and will actually make it worse?

Anger can be the cause of feeling overwhelmed in your life.

Even though anger isn’t a recognized medical diagnosis, it can still feel the same as other addictions in that you do it when you know it’s not good for you.

You don’t need a diagnosis to experience anger.

It shows up in times of stress or overwhelm and the daily challenges of life.

Addictions are chronic, treatable, involve the environment/brain/and life circumstances in life.  They can be behaviors or substances and happen compulsively even when you don’t want it to happen.  Anger shows up in many diagnosed addictions such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder etc. and definitely as a result of drug and alcohol disorders.

Anything that you have trouble managing can be a source of feeling overburdened, which is what we talk about on this podcast.  We’ve never talked about anger so I thought it may be a good topic to cover.

Even though there are a lot of causes that bring anger out as an emotion, there is something you can do about it and it’s going to sound familiar.  You can learn to manage your anger just like you would any other emotion.

Where do I always tell you healing starts?

The first step is always recognizing that it’s something you want to change.

Recognize that it is happening.

The answer isn’t to shove it down and pretend it’s not there.

Remember the book I read in episode 156, “There’s no Such Thing as a Dragon?”

Ignoring it or shoving it down just makes it get bigger.

I heard the analogy of catching the stones that are being thrown at you, you know, the things that make you angry, and instead of throwing them back, make the conscious choice to put the stone down. 

Sometimes it’s as easy as that.

Choosing to stop and not react.

Take the time to turn inward and see why it’s creating anger in you and then be proactive in how you decide to take care of what you need.

-Pay attention to the anger you’re feeling as see if you can sense where it started.  Remember the STARVED basic needs?  Are you reacting with anger because you don’t feel safe, trusted, appreciated, respected, validated, encouraged or dedicated?

Just taking a proactive approach instead of a reactive response gives your body the chance to decide if you really need to respond with anger.  Recognize where you are feeling anger and why, can be enough to put the stone down.

-Take a minute to relax the muscles in your body that have tightened up.  Are you feeling tight in your neck, breathe and relax that.  Is it in your gut, legs or fists?  Take a minute to breathe more air into your lungs and direct it towards those tightened areas.  Think this wounds weird?…try it.  See how long you stay mad when you stop and breathe deeply.

-if something consistently makes you angry, try avoiding it for a while until you figure out where it is stemming from.  Go back to the STARVED issues and breathing that I just taught you and work through those before returning to the situation that has made you angry in the past.

If these ideas seem too hard to do on your own, I’d love to help coach you through them.  Come have a conversation with me and I’ll listen to what is making you angry and we’ll come up with some things to try that are specific to your situation.  You don’t have to stay in the anger loop you feel trapped in right now.  You can become proactive instead of reactive, and I’d love to help you do that.  Contact me at marla@hunkeedori.com and we’ll set up a time that works for you.