Gossiping regularly shows poor restraint and a lack of consideration for others’ feelings. By airing other people’s dirty laundry to unrelated parties, you are subjecting them to humiliation and scorn.

Some research even suggests that people who struggle with low self-esteem are more inclined to gossip.

Some people who are insecure find that gossiping about others and slandering them helps them feel better about themselves.

Gossiping can give a momentary distraction from regular, and sometimes mundane life and appears to create a connection with the person you are gossiping with.

It makes sense that our brains would desire the slight dopamine hit we get from the excitement of gossip.

But just because it feels good to gossip, doesn’t make it good for us!

Gossip is a shallow attempt at connection with another person, and ironically it actually disconnects us even more.

Instead of creating intimacy, gossip disconnects.

Gossiping creates disconnection in three ways.

First, it create a barrier of untrustworthiness between you and the person you are gossiping with.

Second, you disconnect from the person you are gossiping about at their expense.

And finally, you disconnect from yourself, because when you gossip, it is from a place of personal fear and shame.

The opposite of gossiping is what I really want to talk to you about today.

Creating trust is one of the main ways that we create connection with others.

Short and sweet.

Brene Brown teaches seven behaviors that create trust.

One of these behaviors is maintaining the vault or keeping and maintaining confidences and information.

For example, when someone shares personal or private information about another person, they are actually sending the message that you can’t trust them with YOUR inner thoughts and feelings.

When you talk positively about other people when they are not in the room, you are teaching those that are with you that you are a safe person. 

You are a person that can be trusted with the things that make us feel vulnerable. 

You are showing who you are simply by the way you speak about someone else. 

This is how deeper connections are made.

You get to decide how you want to show up.

Do you want to show up as someone who engages in gossip because of the slight dopamine hit you get from the excitement of it?  This is choosing to let your brain lead. Or do you choose to show up from your spirit, and create trust and connection that is long lasting, where you have deeper and more vulnerable relationships that last.