Do you stuff your feelings down because they feel uncomfortable?

Do you ignore what you really need because you’ve never learned how to pay attention to what you’re yearning for?

Did you know that you are teaching yourself that you don’t matter, that you’re not safe, that you can’t trust yourself?

There is a better way!

In your journaling, do you stop when the pain starts?  When you start getting to the root of why you’re feeling the way that you do, when you get really honest and start writing things that you’ve never told anyone…

Do you stop?

If it’s your energy that’s gone, that’s different. 

In this case, decide on a time that you will come back to what you were writing about, make a commitment to come back at a specific time, and then do it.

But if you stop journaling because you don’t want to feel uncomfortable…

When you stop journaling at this point because you don’t want to face what you’re feeling, you are teaching yourself disconnection.

You are shutting the feelings off and telling them that they don’t matter enough to be taken care of, and you shove them down deeper, causing yourself even more harm and disease. 

If you can’t stay connected with yourself in these moments, how can you feel true connection with others when they need you?

We’ve talked about the 7 basic needs we have to feel connected in any relationship, including yourself.

They are:

Safety

Trust

Appreciation

Respect

Validation

Encouraged

Dedication

When you shut down your own feelings, let’s talk about where we have disconnected in any of these 7 needs.

If you stop journaling because you start to feel the hard emotions come, where are you STARVED? as my teacher Matt Townsend outline it?

Are you safe?

If someone turns away from you when you start sharing something very painful that’s happened to you, do you feel safe with that person?  How likely are you to share personal things with them in the future?  If you turn away from your own emotions, ignore them by stuffing them down, you have shown that you are not safe with you.

Do you Trust yourself?

Kind of the same example as I gave for safety. 

How much would you trust a friend if they can’t be there for you when you’re really hurting?

Let’s do the opposite of that too… when you share something hard and they stay and listen, allowing you to share everything, giving support and compassion as you go on, trust begins to build and so does connection. 

It’s a deeper connection the more vulnerable you are with what you share. 

That happens within you as well as you journal, and instead of turning away or shutting it down, you respond with kindness and compassion, the connection with self becomes deeper and you can be even more vulnerable with yourself the next time you journal.  This is how healing happens.

I was recently talking to a client about this very thing.  She told me that as she’d get journaling, the emotions can start getting very painful, so she feels like she has to stop.

I took a minute to talk to her about this so we could understand why she shuts it down.

First: Let’s look at yourself with compassion.

Sharing painful things is very hard.  They’ve caused you lots of pain.  Take time to acknowledge to yourself that this type of healing is really hard.  Give to yourself all the compassion that you need to.  If you need to take a break, do it, but not before deciding exactly when you’ll come back and finish the writing session you stopped.

Next: Shift the person who is speaking, from you right now, to an older version of you, a wiser version of you, the parent in you that knows how to comfort and help a child.  You don’t have to be a parent to know how to do that.

Start your journaling from that perspective.

If you were talking to one of your children or someone you love that is younger than you, how would you encourage them?  What words of wisdom would you share?  Use all of your experiences to draw from. 

It’s the child within you that is feeling disconnected right now.  She needs to know that there is someone there rooting for her and that she won’t be left alone.  You are dedicated to stick with her through this whole thing.

Notice the change in your emotions when you do this.  When the hurt child within you suddenly feels that there is someone dedicated enough to her that will never leave, what happens to your feelings? 

There is a shift. 

A BIG shift. 

Take the time to feel that feeling…don’t just move onto the next thing.  I’m sure you’ve heard me say to sit with your feelings.  Identify where you feel it in your body, and let yourself FEEL it.

If this is something you’ve been dealing with since you were a kid, it might feel uncomfortable because it’s not what you’re used to, even though it’s not a feeling that you like. 

It’s strange how the brain does that, but it does. 

It wants you to stay with the feelings that you’ve grown comfortable with, even if they hurt.

So let it take a bit of time. 

Let yourself FEEL how it feels to be seen. 

To actually have someone look at you and see you for who you are. 

That’s what you’re doing for yourself when you talk to your hurt self from your older, wiser self.  Sit with the discomfort and don’t rush off to something else.  Just feel it.  Stay with that feeling as long as you can.

Finally:  Remember, when your emotions get really big, they just want to be noticed.  They want to be acknowledged (like the “There’s No Such Thing As A Dragon” book that I read to you in Episode 156.

So, NOTICE them.  Don’t try to ignore them, they just get bigger. 

My client was so very wise when I asked her why she was ignoring those needs of hers that really wanted to be seen and acknowledged. 

You know what she said to me?  I’ll never forget her response.  “I was able to shut down that part of myself because I made myself a non-person.  I became invisible.” 

How many of us have done that?

Become so disconnected from ourselves that we became invisible to ourselves? 

How can you see yourself more today?

How can you look deeper within yourself and ask, “What do you need?” 

“How can I help you sweetheart?” 

“I see you there.  I’m not going to ignore you anymore.” 

You can even use the STARVED acronym to help you start that conversation with yourself.

Go through each of the 7 basic needs that spell out starved, and journal about them.

Do I feel safe with myself?  How can I feel safer?  What do I need to help me feel safe?

Do I trust myself?  Why or why not?  What do I do that breaks trust with myself?  How does that make me feel?

See what I mean?

Go through each of them: Safety, Trust, Appreciation, Respect, Validated, Encouragement, Dedication.

Maybe each one goes on long enough that you break it down into a day each.  Maybe you can do two a day.  It’s going to be different for each of us.

But showing up for yourself in this way will begin to create connections with yourself.

And I’ve got a spoiler alert for you…

When you start reconnecting with YOU, your other relationships will get better too.

Not all of a sudden, but over time, you’re going to start seeing a difference and it started with you just taking better care of you.

I’ll never get tired of saying it because not only have I seen it work in my own relationships, the more I’ve shared these things with others, I believe it more and more and that is…

WHEN YOU MAKE A CONNECTION WITH YOURSELF, YOU ARE ABLE TO CONNECT BETTER WITH OTHERS.  SELF-CARE IN THIS WAY IS NOT SELFISH!

It’s interesting to watch how this works with the Mind/Body/Spirit idea that we learned about in Ep 155 with Dr Matt Townsend.  If you’re not familiar with this idea, go back and listen to that episode.  He explains it really well.

A quick recap of that is that we are more than just our body.  You are 3 dimensional.  You have your body, you feel things in the body. 

You are also your mind.  It’s how you think. 

But if we go one step further, if you can observe your thoughts, then there is another part of you that is able to observe your thoughts and that is what is called the spirit. 

Your spirit is your true self.  It’s WHO you are.  You are not your body or your mind.  You are your spirit.  But like I said, go back and listen to episode 155 and learn it from Dr Matt. 

This is my favorite way to help my clients.  Seeing yourself as more than just your thoughts or what you’re feeling in your body, has helped my clients to take care of themselves in a more effective and powerful way.  I’d love to coach you through this. 

All the information to contact me to work together is in the show notes. 

I told you about the mind/body/spirit process to teach you this about journaling.

When you first begin journaling, you are most likely showing up either with your mind leading or your body.  Thoughts and feelings.  But as you get going in whatever comes up, a higher something shows up and starts to take over, and that’s where the power of journaling lies. 

My deepest clarity comes when I don’t listen to how my body is feeling and I don’t let my thoughts lead the discussion, I let me spirit observe both and let it take care of me.

That may seem a little woo-woo to some of you.

And it may have felt like that to me at first… until it happened to me.

My kindest, loving, most understanding part of myself showed up and started teaching me through my pen when I allowed it.  This is the part of me that takes care of me when I’m feeling down.  When my wounds come to the surface and they feel painful or scary, if I don’t shove them back down and try to ignore them, this is when my spirit shows up and “mother’s me”. It’s the clutch your pearls moments I’ve talked about before.  Either I learn something new that helps me or I remember something from my past that I learned and I use that to help me get through the pain.  Moving through is the only way to peace.

Story of the buffalo:  When an incoming storm approaches, cows run away — which ultimately means they spend more time in the worst of it. Buffalo, on the other hand, charge directly into the storm. By running straight through it, they minimize the time they spend in it and the pain they suffer.  They also minimize their exposure to the most dangerous parts of the storm, such as the leading edge where the winds are strongest.

My high school mascot was the white buffalo and I always thought that was so stupid, embarrassing actually.  Why didn’t anyone tell us this story of buffalo!  How inspiring is it!!

So, don’t run fun the tough challenges in your life!  Don’t prolong the suffering!  Become the buffalo and charge directly into it.  Become the Buffalo!!!

Thanks for joining me here today and remember:

I see you.  I understand how hard you’re trying, and I’d like to help however I can.

Have a wonderful day and I’ll see you back here again very soon.