Victor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, taught the following after being in a German concentration camp during most of World War II…

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

I’ve quoted Russell M. Nelson on this podcast often when he said, “The joy we feel in our lives has little to do with the circumstances of our lives, and everything to do with the focus of our lives.”

Both of these quotes teach us that happiness is not made from a lifetime that is free from sorrow or pain.

Arthur Brooks and Oprah Winfrey, in their book “Build the Life You Want” say that…

“Happiness is not a destination.  Happiness is a direction.”

Let’s talk about the possibility of high-level happiness today.

In “Build the Life You Want” I learned about 4 areas of life we need to work on in order to have a high-level of happiness.

While I recognize that each of these 4 things require work, they’re areas that I’ve studied a lot and recognize them as part of what makes up my core values. 

They are worth my effort and I’m betting since you listen to this podcast, they are part of your value system too. 

I’m sharing them here today as a reminder that they deserve your time and attention because they create a life of happiness, and who doesn’t want more of that?

The first area is Faith.

-Faith is also known as Transcendence, or something bigger than yourself.

Unfortunately, the modern philosophy of life points us to: Love things, Use People, Worship yourself.  But this leads to ultimate misery.  That’s not what we’re going for.

Instead: A Faith-based philosophy points us to: Use Things, Love People, Worship God and that is what creates lasting happiness.

This philosophy of life shows that you actually have to DO something. 

Worshiping yourself, leads to misery.  

Serving others and worshiping your God, leads to true and lasting happiness.

Find your faith in religion, meditation, or awe of nature, to name a few. 

This increases meaning and purpose in your life. 

This is what helps you to engage more in your present life instead of ruminating about the past or being anxious about the future.

The next area to focus on is Family.

Building an imperfect family, because all families are imperfect, is an important place to put your focus.

Loving unconditionally is the goal. 

When the members of your family know that there is nothing they can do to stop you from loving them, it changes everything.

They need to know this.

While this isn’t always easy, especially when we put our expectations on them, it has helped me to remember how much I value my own agency.  Each member of your family has the same gift.  The gift of agency allows us to make our own choices, in thoughts and in actions.  I’ve found it so much easier to let go of my expectations and love in any circumstance when I remember agency. Preserving the relationship is always the goal.

Looking for the complementary traits we have with members of our family, instead of doing everything the same, is actually better for long-term relationships.  This has been especially helpful with my relationship with my husband.  We complement each other really well and when I allow that, instead of fighting against it, you know, thinking my way is always the right way, all of our family members have benefited.

Watching the people you love struggle can affect your happiness, it’s true. But if you can avoid taking on their struggles and work on keeping your happiness nurtured, you can do things for them and with them to help them through the rough times.  This is another example of how self-care isn’t selfish.

I like the example of how much stronger of a position it is to reach out from a secure spot on the side of a pool to help someone who is drowning, compared to jumping into the pool with them.  Strengthening yourself allows you to help them from a better place.

The third area to focus on for a higher-level of happiness is Friendship.

We have to be specific about the types of friendships that fall under this category.  These are friends that you know well, not social media friends.  Real friends talk about real things.  Our brain doesn’t recognize social media friends as friends.  We can only get oxytocin from eye contact and touch, not from social media contacts.

Oxytocin is sometimes called the love and happy hormone.  It is associated with trust and relationship building and causes a surge of positive emotion.  You need oxytocin to have joy & happiness in your lives. 

This is the purpose of your relationships in family and friendship. 

Social media is just a substitute and doesn’t give you oxytocin. 

Even one close friendship can make all the difference. 

Of course, we know that they don’t exist without effort and involve more than just having fun together. 

Being vulnerable & expressing affection is what deepens friendships. 

Face to face contact is best to get the most out of friendships.

The last area of focus for greater happiness comes from finding work that earns your livelihood and that also serves others.

Recognizing what you love about your job, and the meaningful part it plays in your life, can help you see it as a part of what makes you happy, not just how you earn money. 

I’m fully aware that this isn’t going to come easy for some of you.  Work can feel overwhelming and challenging and not something you look to for your happiness.  But what if you could find just one thing that you love about your job?  Even if you have to look super hard to find it, it can really change how you feel about it and will come back to you as happiness.

If you really love your job, but find that it’s not supporting your overall happiness, you may need to refocus its purpose in your life as well. 

Pay attention and see if you may be using your job to distract you from parts of your life that make you feel anxious, bored or depressed.  It will end up harming your overall happiness instead of facing these problems head on.

Look for ways that you are able to express love to others in the way that you serve the world with your work. 

All four of these categories can point you to love.

If you’re going to only do ONE thing to create more happiness in your life…LOVE MORE

If you don’t know what to do in any of the four areas I outlined today…just LOVE MORE.

The greatest happiness comes when you act from a place of love, no matter what your circumstances may be.

Whatever unpleasant or stressful situations that come to you in life, if you keep coming back to loving your family, your friends, your work and your God, you will overcome whatever is thrown at you. 

When you build your life on love, you have the foundation you need to build the beautiful life you desire.

My challenge for you today is to look for ways that you can LOVE MORE in your faith, your family, your friendships and in your work.  Then journal about the ways you are feeling a higher level of happiness in your life.  When you write it out, the feelings will expand even greater than keeping them inside.