Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages? It is a book by Gary Chapman and he has been teaching about it for years.
The premise of The 5 Love Languages® book is quite simple: different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more profoundly, and truly begin to grow closer.
I want to discuss a little bit more about the 5 love languages and yep, you guessed it, I want to encourage you to find out what YOUR love language is and then use your love language to love yourself better.
According to Gary Chapman, the five “love languages” are:
- Words of Affirmation (compliments) This language uses words to affirm other people.
- Quality Time. This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
- Next is Gifts. For some people, receiving a heartfelt gift is what makes them feel most loved.
- Number 4 is Acts of Service. For these people, actions speak louder than words.
- And last but not least, Physical Touch. To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate physical touch.
Sometimes it’s not apparent what you love language is when you first hear the choices.
Luckily, Dr. Chapman has created a quiz that you can take to figure this out.
Take the quiz to find out your love language: https://5lovelanguages.com/
You can find that link in the show notes too.
My husband and I did the online quiz a few years ago and I’d say, that among other things, it has helped us to communicate better and show our love to each other in the way we need it, instead of how we’re most comfortable giving it.
An example I found from Gary Chapmans website confirmed this for me: It said: If a husband’s love language is acts of service, he may be confused when he does the laundry and his wife does not perceive that as an act of love, viewing it as simply performing household duties, because the love language she comprehends is words of affirmation (verbal affirmation that he loves her). She may try to use what she values, words of affirmation, to express her love to him, which he would not value as much as she does. If she understands his love language and mows the lawn for him, he perceives it in his love language as an act of expressing her love for him; likewise, if he tells her he loves her, she values that as an act of love.
As with most things, there more to figuring this out than with a free quiz.
Chapman suggests that to discover another person’s love language, one must observe the way they express love to others and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often. He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands.
I am not affiliated with this at all. Like I said, I have used it in my relationship with my husband and we were both were surprised at the results.
I thought it would be interesting to take a different spin on it and direct our love language at ourselves and see what would happen.
How would you talk to yourself if you discovered that your love language was Words of Affirmation? Would you compliment yourself more often? Have you ever tried complimenting yourself?
I actually started doing this. When I do something that I know that I worked hard on or if I was scared to do it and did it anyway, I either out loud or to myself, say, “Good job Marla! I know how hard that was for you and you did it anyway. I am so proud of you!”
This is one way that I have improved my relationship with myself. And, as a totally separate result that I was expecting, my relationship with my husband and others that I love improved too. Because I was no longer waiting for someone else to give me a compliment, I wasn’t disappointed in them when they didn’t. I’m definitely not perfect at this, but I am way better at it than I used to be. Whether or not your love language is Words of Affirmation, I would encourage you to start giving yourself compliments. It feels really good!
What about Quality Time? If this was your love language, how could you show more love to yourself in this way? Do you schedule in time to do things that YOU like to do? This could be as simple as reading a book that you chose, and not because it was required reading for something. Make that activity even more special by getting cozy with the book, turning off all electronic devises, making yourself your favorite drink and making it real quality time. See that? You can have quality time with yourself.
I don’t think I need to go through all of the love languages and give you examples. You’re pretty smart. Go take the quiz, decide what your love language is, and take the top two and decide right then what you can do for YOU that fulfills that need.
Then, when someone else shows you love in the way you need it most, it will just be the cherry on the top! Or if you don’t like cherries like me, it can be the whip cream!!
I really want you to try this! Schedule in at least one thing a week to show love to yourself in your own love language, and then do it! Sometimes all you need to lift the burdens of everyday life is to feel loved. Who better to show you love than the one who knows you best…and that’s YOU!
Send me an email at email@example.com and let me know what your love language is and what you’re going to do for yourself in that love language.
My love language just happens to be Words of Affirmation, so I’m going to say, “Marla. Great job on that podcast! You just helped spread more love in the world!!”
Don’t forget to enter my give-a-way that is only open until June 30th, 2023.
Here’s what you do to enter the chance to win an Overburdened No More Mug. There only two in the world, so, it’s pretty much a collectors item!
To enter, please leave a review about this podcast.
It’s easy to do.
If you’re listening on your phone, here’s how you do it.
-If you’re already looking at the episodes of my podcast, continue scrolling down.
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Tap the number of stars you’d like to give me….5 would be awesome!
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This helps more people find the podcast. It tells Apple to show it to more people and that’s what we want!
To thank those who leave me a review before the end of June, 2023, that’s where the give-a-way comes in.
Anyone who leaves a review before June 30, 2023, will be entered into a drawing to win that very exclusive mug. I gave one to a friend that is my biggest supporter of the podcast (shout out to Kirsten) and I have one more. I will send it to one lucky listener who leaves me a review before June 30, 2023. I want to leave it open for a month because not everyone hears the episodes as soon as they come out. Thanks in advance to each of you who takes just a few minutes to do that for me.
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Thanks for joining me here today and remember:
I see you. I understand how hard you’re trying, and I’d like to help however I can.
Have a wonderful day and I’ll see you back here next week.
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