I’m going to share with you today a few of my favorite parts of our latest book club book, The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins. There’s a lot more than what I plan on sharing today, but I wanted to keep this episode short. Besides, I really do want you to read the book. Borrow it from the library if you don’t want to buy it. If you live close to me, just ask, I’ll loan you mine. Just make sure you bring it back…I want to refer to it often!
As a quick reminder, here’s how I introduced the book to you in Episode 92:
A high five is a shared celebration with someone. You’re passing your feelings about them onto them. You are seen by that person and affirmed.
That feels pretty good.
Recognized just for being you.
NO words have to be said for this to be communicated. Just the ACT of giving a high five says something on its own.
So, turn it back on yourself is the premise of this book. She started giving herself a High 5 in the mirror first thing every morning and noticed a big difference.
Started challenging others to do it, then went out and found tons of scientific research to back it up.
Actions actually do speak louder than words!
Saying positive things to yourself are less likely to be believed than the way you will respond to giving yourself a high five.
No need to say anything.
In fact, she says not to do it to celebrate anything in particular.
Just High 5’ing yourself for being YOU.
Mel also said: “More than anything, you need to learn how to be kind to yourself.”
I wanted to go over
Key Ideas in the High 5 Habit
1: Start the day by High-fiving your reflection
I already shared the “How-to” in the previous episode, it’s pretty self-explanatory.
2: Scientific research backs up the power of high fives
Research shows that your mood in the morning impacts your productivity for the rest of the day.
That is TRUE!
Remember another past episode where I talked about how I got in a negative spiral during my morning journaling and ended up feeling negative all day.
To me, that’s why it’s so important to create a morning ritual that gets you going in the right, and positive, direction for the day.
Take my Camp Connection workshop if you need some help with that.
Go to hunkeedori.com/camp for information on how to enroll in that workshop.
3: Negative thoughts can create a spiral of negative behaviors
One of my favorite parts of the book was when she said, “You don’t need to know when or how you went from loving yourself to criticizing yourself.”
I really believe that’s true.
Of course, you can go to a therapist and do the work to figure it out if that’s what you want to do, but it’s not necessary!
What’s more important to know is that there are strong reasons why you should STOP doing it.
#1: When you focus on what’s wrong, you will never change.
#2: Hating your body, or your past, or yourself, won’t motivate you to change.
This is where self-compassion can really help you out.
Self-compassion does motivate you to change, and in the kindest, most loving way.
#3: The more you repeat it, the more evidence you see.
The relationship you have with yourself can either set you free OR keep you trapped.
Do you want to stayed trapped in the negativity you feel OR are you ready to create a better relationship with yourself so you can see more of the good that is happening for you?
Every day, when you are thinking negative thoughts about yourself, you are creating a rut, or a pathway, in your brain. That’s why it feels like the “same old, same old”, it’s because you have taught yourself this pattern, or learned it from what you heard around you, and so it’s easier to just stay in that same old rut.
4: Your RAS can get clogged with unhelpful information
Like lint in a dryer, unhelpful thoughts start to get stuck in our brains.
We have to take the time to clean them up.
When you tell your mind what to look for, it goes to work…looking for what you have told it you want to see.
In the book she gives the example of looking for hearts all around you. People started sending her pictures of rocks, leaves, clouds, foam… all that looked just like hearts. When you start looking for something, you’ll see it. Why not choose to look for positives instead of negatives.
So…Why is it so hard when it seems like it should be easy?
Our brain actually has a filter like the dryer example. It’s called the Reticular Activating System, or RAS for short. When it’s jammed with negative thoughts and beliefs, then that is what keeps you stuck. That why the same things keep happening.
Filling your mind with positive beliefs and ideas and new things to start looking for, peels off that layer of lint and allows new things to come in.
Your RAS blocks out about 99% of what’s going on around you so that you don’t explode from information overload.
You don’t need to be paying attention to how to breathe or how to take a step, for example.
Mel says that when you High 5 yourself in the mirror every morning, among other things, it’s like peeling that old layer of lint off and it helps keep that negative layer from building up.
5: Interrupt your thoughts, use a mantra, and act like the person you want to become
Three steps to changing the negative thought patterns in your head
Step one: “I’m not thinking about that.”
This is a great way to start interrupting the negative thoughts in your head.
Negative thoughts are going to come, but you don’t have to let them stay.
You can choose what you think about.
And you can also choose what you don’t think about.
As soon as you notice the negative thought, interrupt it with 5 words… I’m not thinking about that.
You might be shocked at how many times you have to say, I’m not thinking about that.
Step two: Note to self.
I’m sure you’ve seen lots of positive quotes on Instagram or Facebook or on billboards…they’re all over the place.
These are the kinds of thoughts you’re going to want to replace those negative ones with that you’re getting rid of.
Mel suggests putting notes up on your bathroom mirror with these kinds of positive thoughts.
I’ve talked about this before, but you can’t just choose any positive thought, because your brain will automatically kick out anything that it doesn’t believe.
You have to choose one that you can believe, even if it’s just a little.
Keep trying positive statements out loud until you find one that feels pretty good…one you at least really want to believe about yourself and feel that it’s possible.
You’ll know it when you find one that feels really good inside.
Attach this thought on your mirror on a sticky note.
Then you’ll see it and it will remind you to do the High 5 every morning.
I’ve made a list of ideas of positive thoughts for you if you need some help.
Go to hunkeedori.com/PositiveThoughts and you can print that off!
I hope it helps you find the perfect one for you! (pg 95)
Step three: Act like the person that you want to become.
Taking physical actions to match your new positive beliefs.
I’ve been trying this one. Mainly in the way I show up to work on my business.
Instead of showing up in comfy, at home clothes, even when no one is going to see me, I’ve started dressing how I’d show up for work. I make sure to do my hair, put on makeup and dress in more professional clothes.
Maybe that seems silly, but it helps me distinguish when I’m working and when I’m not.
It’s helped me keep better boundaries.
When it’s time to work, I work.
When it’s time to be at home, I’m present with the people here at home and do the things I need to do around my home.
So, even though I hardly ever leave home, I still dress for work.
It’s been working!
6: Replace apologies with gratitude
Mel teaches in the book that if you struggle with guilt, you apologize a lot.
Hum. I found that really interesting.
She says to replace I’m sorry with Thank You.
For example, instead of saying, “I’m sorry to be asking you for a ride, I’m sorry to bother you, I’m sorry you have to make something special for my dietary needs…Replace that with “Thank you. Thank you for the ride. Thank you for taking the time for me. I really appreciate you. Saying Thank You gives you your power back and it emphasizes the other person instead of yourself. Two powerful things in one change of language. I liked that.
I wanted to end with a few of my favorite quotes from the book.
You know that I love a good quote.
“Your mind is designed to help you achieve your dreams. Your job is to believe it is possible and encourage yourself to keep walking toward it.”
“You can’t change what happened, but you can choose what happens next. That’s where your true power is.”
“It’s impossible to go through life and not hurt or disappoint people who love you. But consider that when you put everyone else first, it hurts and disappoints YOU. The point of your life is to go through it and feel absolutely everything—the ups, the downs, the gratitude, the guilt, the sadness, and the love. A good life is full of bad days and a loving relationship is full of moments that sting. That’s what makes it real, honest, and true.”
“Change the way you look at the world, and the world you’re looking at changes.”
“Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of every relationship you have in life.”
“I wasn’t alone. I had ME!”
This book has made it to my “favorites” bookshelf. I have a lot of books, so that means a lot.
I hope you’ll read it and let me know what your favorite parts were and how you’re going to use it to let go of the things in your life that are burdening you.
Thanks for joining me here today and remember:
I see you. I understand how hard you’re trying, and I’d like to help however I can.
Have a wonderful day and I’ll see you back here next week.
Watch the episode: https://youtu.be/TAb9Kes8RIQ
Listen to the episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/overburdened-no-more/id1574759560
Tip Tuesday Video Link: https://youtu.be/bPowip4VU-Q
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