Our strengths overused can become a weakness.
You heard me right…
even a strength, pushed too far, done to an extreme, or used in the wrong situation, can turn into a weakness and produce negative results.
Even our strengths can have a dark side.
It’s pretty typical for humans to want to help others.
In fact, most of us think something’s not quite right when someone DOESN’T want to help someone else.
Studies show that compassion for others is deeply rooted in human nature.
Our “human nature,” according to the latest findings in neuroscience and psychology, is to be social and engaged and connected to others. We cannot survive without human attachments.
When we desire to help others, it’s a good thing!
AND, it can become a problem if we try to carry too much of other’s burden’s without learning to carry our own burdens first.
I can’t remember if I’ve ever shared the idea on the podcast that our strengths can become our weakness when we overuse them.
Wanting to help others is a very good thing, and I’m not suggesting that we stop that.
AND
Helping others can become a weakness to you when you let it overrun your ability to give.
I’m thinking it’s kind of like the process of moving from being dependent, to independent before becoming interdependent like we talked about in Episode 120.
Let’s review that a bit since it’s been a while:
Dependence:
Dependence focuses on YOU.
You should take care of me.
You should do this.
You should do that.
You are responsible for me.
This sounds like, “I am dependent on You.”
Independence:
The contrast of this dependence is Independence. Focusing on I.
I am self-sufficient.
I can do this by myself.
I am capable.
I am responsible.
I am Independent.
That leads us to Interdependence:
This turns the focus to WE.
We can do it together.
We can cooperate.
We can synergize. Which is when the whole becomes greater than the sum of its individual parts.
When you become interdependent, you start seeing things as:
We can combine our talents and abilities.
We can achieve something greater together.
We are Interdependent for the greater good of both of us.
As you can se, this process is much the same as when we are learning to carry our own burden.
When you know how to care for the burdens you are carrying, then the skills you learn from that burden are helping you to develop that skill to help care for others that are carrying the same type of burden.
Don’t misunderstand me, helping others can be done at the same time as you’re learning to care for yourself, but the needs of others can’t outweigh how much you’re carrying of your own.
Does the word “burnout” ring any bells?
So where do we start?
Let’s start where I go a lot…Connection!
Self-Connection is the process of being in touch with the worthiness and wholeness of your SELF, regardless of experiences you are having.
When you know your SELF, what you have to offer, you are more likely to reach out & try to help someone else. You can recognize a need in someone else when you have personally experienced it. You’ve gained confidence in your ability in that thing you’ve done for YOU.
I’m going to share a story that I heard from a man in my neighborhood.
This man was a Scout leader where he previously lived.
He took a group of boys-older/younger/physically strong/first time backpacking.
This was a difficult hike they had planned, I believe it was in one of the high Uintah’s, which are very challenging hikes.
Some had confidence in their ability to hike, others did not.
They got going and it was easy to see who the strong ones were.
The longer they hiked, the harder it got on those who weren’t in shape for such a hard hike.
A few days in, there was one boy who was really struggling, and he wasn’t going to be able to make it any further, especially with that big pack full of all the things needed to do this type of hike.
They were all trying to decide what to do and came up with..
Each boy took one thing from the struggling boy’s pack. Each piece they took didn’t add much to their pack but made a huge difference for the one who was struggling.
Because they each helped out a little, they were all able to finish the hike and had an amazing experience together.
Here’s what I learned from this story:
-Sometimes you’re the strong one and you are the one who can take on a little from another’s backpack and sometimes you need to be vulnerable enough to ask for help and give something to someone else to carry.
Self-Connection helps you to know which place you are coming in at the time.
When you are disconnected from yourself, you may just try to help everyone else because you’ve forgotten what YOU need. Remember the progression…
Me (Dependence)
I (Independence)
We (Interdependence)
Taking care of what you need helps you to be connected enough with where you are, so you know when you have something more to give.
When you have reached a good, connected place, then you can begin to ask yourself>>>
What can I now do to remove a burden from a friend’s pack?
Sometimes just listening lightens a load
Offer to run an errand for them when you’re out doing yours
Make a phone call just to ask how a friend is doing
Ask someone how their kids are doing. You’ll be amazed how that will help someone feel lighter.
Invite someone to go to lunch with you.
This list could go on and on, start a list of your own when you’re thinking about your friends and write down what you could do for them…something simple.
I do have to ask…
…how can you know of someone else’s burden if you haven’t spent the time to get to know them?
Putting in the time to get to know someone during the good times is a prerequisite to you being someone they will feel comfortable sharing the contents of their pack with.
Here’s my challenge for you for the next week…and more I hope as it becomes a habit…
As you go about your days, look for ways to carry someone’s burden, just one small piece.
I challenge you to take care of you, let this guide you to take care of others, then watch how your burdens become lighter.
It’s pure magic!!