Many of the episodes I share on the podcast stem from the changes I experienced after reading Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.”

This is where the healing from my depression began after receiving the medical help I needed.

I had seen a therapist, and I was on an anti-depressant medication, and I had seen some progress but I still felt lost in the fog.

I best explain where I was at at this time by saying that I knew inside me what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, but those desires felt trapped in a body that didn’t have the energy to let it out.

I would feel these desires get bigger and bigger and that was so discouraging because I felt I had lost my ability to DO what I was thinking about.  The more I dreamed, and the more it stayed stuck, the more hopeless I felt.

Has that ever happened to you?

We used to take our kids when they were young to the library every week to get new books to read.  I was wandering around too, and I found the audio CD’s of the 7 habits book.  Of course, I had heard of it, and it looked interesting.  I had never read it before, so I checked it out.

I tried to listen to it as I was sewing the orders for the Travelers Notebook I was selling on Etsy at the time.

I kept pausing it over and over because I wanted to take notes on so many things he was saying.

Finally, I just decided to buy the book because I could mark it up much easier than trying to write everything down.

This is where it all started for me.  What I learned in this book spoke of truth and I felt it to my very core.

I knew that this was how I was going to make the changes I was desiring to make.

He broke down what I wanted to accomplish in a way that felt doable.

It made it feel less big in my brain.

I will always be grateful for Dr. Covey’s lifetime work.

I wanted to share one piece of this what I learned during that time with you today and how I have applied it.

Let’s go back to where I was at when I started reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I wanted to become something but didn’t know what I needed to DO in order to make it happen.

I now know that that is called the Insanity Cycle.

Wanting to become something different but doing the same things over and over.

Dr. Covey taught me that if I wanted to change something, I had to start by changing myself, not trying to change the situation.  That begins by changing my perception of myself.

If you’re not new to this podcast, I’m sure you recognize that as a recurring theme here.

You can’t change anything or anyone without making a conscious choice to change something in yourself first.

Ultimately, it’s the only thing we have any control over anyway.

Dr. Covey teaches about the principles of human effectiveness.  These principles are basic, they are what happiness and success are based on.

One of the most basic of these principles is what I wanted to talk about today.

This is the principle of a Paradigm.

A paradigm is generally meant as the way we “see” the world.  Not from a visual standpoint but in the way we perceive, understand, or interpret the things that happen to us.  The way we “see” them.

Now, if you’ve been in this world very long at all, you know that there is not just one way to “see” the world.

People see things differently, even the very same situation.

This is because we all come from a different paradigm.

We can divide it into the way things are and the way we think things should be.

Most arguments begin because we see the same situation from a different viewpoint, or a different paradigm.

Is that starting to make sense?

Dr. Covey explains it this way, “The influences in our lives – family school, church, work environment, friends, associates, have all made their silent unconscious impact on us and help shape our frame of reference, our paradigms.”

“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are—or how we have been conditioned to see it.  When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions our paradigms.”

Makes you think doesn’t it.

Just because you’ve formed a paradigm for your life, doesn’t necessarily make it true.  It doesn’t mean it’s wrong either, it’s just how you see it.

Some may agree with you, others may not.

The more you surround yourself with people who see the world just like you, the more you feel like your paradigm is the only one.

That’s why getting out of your bubble can be very interesting and a way to grow.  It expands you.

You still have the choice of if you want to make what you learn a part of your paradigm or not.  But it widens the lens that you see the world.

The more aware we are of our own paradigms, the more responsibility we can take for them.

We can question them, test them out with other paradigms, listen to other perspectives, and gain a more objective view.

A paradigm shift can be explained as an “ah-ha” moment.

Have you ever had one of those?

Suddenly something you thought was one way opens up and you see it from a different viewpoint.

I love having these moments with myself in my journal.

Writing down subconscious thoughts first thing in the morning does this for me.

I start writing down what I’m believing in that moment and when I see it on paper, sometimes that viewpoint makes a shift.

I’ve cluctched my pearls multiple times when I start seeing something in a different way.  I absolutely love those moments!

I count them as moments of growth.

It’s one of the reasons journaling is so powerful for me and my favorite self-care practice.

I thought of an example of this when I was listening to the “Wicked” soundtrack not long ago.

Are you familiar with the Broadway musical, Wicked?

Really quick, it’s a different way of telling the story of “The Wizard of Oz”.  I’m pretty sure you’re familiar with that old movie.

Dorothy.  Toto.  The Wicked Witch.  The Tinman.

You with me?

Well, if you haven’t seen “Wicked” yet, and you don’t know anything about it, and you want to see it, I’m giving you a spoiler alert right now.  Take what you’ve learned about paradigms and move on.  If you want to hear a great example of a paradigm shift I learned from “Wicked”, stick with me.

In the original “Wizard of Oz” Dorothy gets blow away in her house by a tornado and lands on the Wicked Witch of the East, killing her.  She is celebrated by the Good Witch Glenda and the Munchkins in the land of Oz for killing the Wicked Witch.  Suddenly the Wicked Witch of the West appears and trys to get the ruby slippers her sister was wearing when the house landed on her.  Glenda gets to them first and puts them magically onto Dorothy’s feet.  The Wicked Witch has no power in Munchkinland so she gets angry and poofs out again saying to Dorothy, “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too.”  Glenda tells Dorothy to follow the yellow brick road to go and meet the Wizard of Oz and that he will help her get back home.  I’m sure you remember the friends she meets along the way, the Scarecrow, who wants a brain, the Tin Man who wants a heart and the Cowardly Lion who wants courage.  They all go together hoping the Wizard can give what they desire.

This was my paradigm when I first listened to the soundtrack from “Wicked” before I was going to watch the stage play.  I pieced it together as best as I could with the story I knew from the Wizard of Oz.  I thought I had it figured out pretty well.  The friend I was going to go see the play with, who had already seen “Wicked” asked me what I had pieced together as the plot.

She listened until I was done, smiled, then said, “You got a bit closer than I did.”

By the time we went to see it a month later, I was very curious.

I don’t want to give it away, but that show is a complete paradigm shift from the original.

The way it was pieced together with different background stories for the characters, reasons for why they did what they did, and even what the actual outcome was, shifted my paradigm so that I can’t unsee it now.

The Wicked Witches the East and West were still sisters, but there was a completely different relationship created in Wicked.

Glenda was actually Glinda, and there was a whole love story rivalry and friendship between her and one of the Wicked Witches.

We even got to learn how the Wicked Witch of the West had green skin and who her real father was.

The melting witch villain at the end of the Wizard of Oz, becomes the hero at the end of Wicked.

Masterfully done.

A new lens to view the story from now.

That is a paradigm shift.

Do you have a story in your mind that you think you know everything about?

Is it bringing you unhappiness?

Is it robing your peace?

Does it take away from your hope?

Try shifting the paradigm you are looking at it through.

Maybe there is a different reason the person you’re mad at did what they did?

Maybe you could have reacted differently if you understood their backstory a little more?

Is there a part of the story you haven’t even considered before?

Get curious with the stories you let run around in your head.

Take the story and try telling it from a different perspective, just for fun.

Maybe you’ll decide to stick with the old story.  That is always your choice.

But maybe, just maybe, the new story feels better and without changing anyone else, you can change the hope you feel in your own life.

A paradigm shift just may be the answer.

Thank you, Dr. Covey.

This has been a life saver for me.

It was an inside-out way of change.

Starting with yourself is the way to lasting change.

Sometimes these changes aren’t easy to see your way out of.

That’s what I can help you with as your coach.

I can be there to teach you skills like a paradigm shift and so many more that will help you take charge of your own life again.

You can become the Hero of the story instead of the victim.

Being the victim may have served you for a time, but it’s time to make a change.

It all starts with you.

Sign up for a 15-minute Mini Mentor session with me and we’ll get started.

I only have a few openings a week, so get on and grab one that works with your schedule.

I can’t wait to talk to you.

The shift really does feel great!!

Go to https://hunkeedori.com/MiniMentor  to schedule your call with me.

Thanks for joining me here today and remember:

I see you.  I understand how hard you’re trying, and I’d like to help however I can.

Have a wonderful day and I’ll see you back here next week.