119: Motivation to Change

How you think changes how you feel.

When you change how you feel it changes what you do. Our feelings that generate action… that is what we call, motivation.

It’s better to be motivated by a positive feeling than a negative one.

How you talk to yourself matters in how you act next.

For example:

When you feel more compassion, you act more compassionately.

It changes what you become.

Remember, if you’re being unkind to yourself, it’s because you’ve been wounded.

Wounded people wound others.

When you reframe how to talk to yourself, you will love yourself more which is what will motivate you to act in a more positive way.

You will stop hurting yourself and then you won’t hurt others either.

That’s the power of understanding the cycle of motivation.

Motivation doesn’t just happen.

There are FIVE stages of motivation, which can help you understand why it’s harder to feel motivated than we think it should be.

Let’s go over these 5 stages of motivation.

The first stage of motivation is Precontemplation:

In this stage you have no intention of changing a behavior.

You are fully resistant to change.

You need to recognize whether you acknowledge the problem or if someone else says that you have a problem.

You’ll only get help when you are in this stage because you feel pressure to do so, but when pressure stops, you return to the behavior.

You have resistance to change.

Resistance to change has 4 R’s:



Resignation and


Reluctance is when you are fearful of change or comfortable where you are and don’t want to risk discomfort.  You may start to progress when you have been given a chance to talk about why you don’t want to change and feel listened to, while you may just have the seed of change planted for the future.

Rebellion happens when you know what your problem is but don’t like to be told what to do.  When you are given options, you can use your energy towards what you decide to do instead of using the energy to resist.

Resignation can begin when you have given up that you can change and feel overwhelmed by the problem.  Instilling hope and looking at what might be standing in your way, recognizing that it’s common to not be able to change at first and it doesn’t make you a failure.  Keep expressing confidence in your abilities and each change that you’re making, no matter how small.

Rationalization is another of the R’s when you have resistance to change.  This happens when you appear to have all the answers.  Your resistance is more in your thinking than in your feelings.  You want to debate about it.  Empathy for yourself work best.  Start focusing on the good things about your behavior instead of the negative.

The next stage of motivation is Contemplation:

This is when you want to change.  You are beginning to think about what you can do but have not yet made the commitment to do anything about it.

You can stay in this stage a long time, weighing the positive aspects of the problem as opposed to the effort it will take to overcome the problem.

Fear of failure can keep you stuck here.

It’s hard to give up the known for the unknown.

Try thinking through risks and consequences as well as the benefits of making the change and replace your fear with hope that change is possible.

Next is Preparation:

You know something has to change.  You may make your intentions public but haven’t gotten rid of what you’re trying to change completely.  You still need to convince yourself that action is what you truly want to do.  You know you can’t go on like this but not sure that you are able to do it.

You’ll kind of stop doing what you want to change but you don’t have complete control over your behavior.  It’s important to create a plan that is acceptable, accessible and effective.

Coaching is a place where you can share your story, be listened to, and to be taken seriously for what you are experiencing.  It is good to involve people close to you as well so they can learn how to help and support you.

Step Four is Action:

This is where you begin to make the changes in yourself and in what you allow to be around you.

You stop old patterns and begin new ones.

Action is not the first or the last stage in change.  There is still work to be done.

It is not all downhill.  There are still conflicting feelings about the changes you are making.  A coach can help you see where it is working and can help you with barriers you are still experiencing.

You will need a plan with specific short-term and long-term goals.

You will be more motivated when you have a choice in what you are doing.

And finally, we reach the final step, Maintenance:

Change never ends with action.  Behaviors must be stabilized to prevent going backward.

This can be an ongoing process.

Keep looking for the progress you have made.

Following-up with a coach whenever needed is a great way to feel more confident.

Relapsing is more the rule than the exception, but it does not equal failure.  AND it will give a better chance of success when you try again.

There is no shame when you relapse into old habits.  You can do it!

A coach can help you see what triggered the relapse and create actions that can help you avoid it next time.

If you’re lacking motivation for something that you want to do, maybe an outside perspective is what you need.  That where a personal coach can really help.  That’s what I do.  In my coaching I can help you see what you can’t see and be an accountability partner to help you to keep going, especially when it gets hard.  Resistance is no joke!  The brain wants to stay in its comfort zone, even when it doesn’t like where it’s at.  That brain is really persuasive and tries to talk you out of doing something new.  I have so many exciting things I can teach you that will help you to not only set goals, but to actually reach them.  Proven practices that help you to overcome that pesky resistance and create hope that you are going to get there.  I am really excited to work with you.  I have put together some great coaching packages so you can choose what works best for you.  You can email me at marla@hunkeedori.com or go to hunkeedori.com/consult for a face-to-face chat about working together.  I can’t wait to meet you!  Don’t put it off until the New Year.  Start now so you can have the most enjoyable holiday season that you’ve had in a long time.  The relationship you will create with yourself as we work together will help all of your relationships become better.

Thanks for joining me here today and remember:

I see you.  I understand how hard you’re trying, and I’d like to help however I can.

Have a wonderful day and I’ll see you back here next week.

Find out more about Coaching Packages: marla@hunkeedori.com

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119: Motivation to Change